Karen and I went to the hospital to see mum today. When I got there mum was awake but with her eyes closed and we talked about the situation. Mum said she had come to the point where she doesn’t want anymore active treatment. I know dad was coming to visit and that he had not really taken in either the severity of the situation and the proximity of such a decision to today’s visit. I decided that both Steve (my older brother) and dad needed to hear this from mum so that we could act swiftly and consistently in order to make mum’s passing and fast and painless as possible. My parents and I had discussed this previously, as had Steve and I, but today made it real and we had to act. So when we had the discussion today it was both shocking and painful for all concerned and very hard to keep our emotions in check.
How do you say good by to a partner of 64 years?
Jobs to do on Monday:
1) phone the palliative care team on Monday and try and get mum transferred to a hospice
2) get any active treatment stopped – eg hydration
3) get a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) for mum
4) brief the GP (mum’s local doctor)
I hope I will sleep like a log tonight as I am emotionally knackered and just want to blank all this out for a while. I love mum but want her to die as soon, and as pain free, as possible.
anomiepete 
Oh Pete.Thinking of you all.
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Thanks Tanya – life tough sometimes!
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My thoughts are with you all Pete. I don’t think you ever say goodbye really because there’s a special place in one’s heart and mind where they live forever.
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Thanks Catherine. Mum was in fact a lot better yesterday – more lucid and in less visible discomfort. I’m meeting the team today with a view to getting mum home under the community palliative team.
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I know it’s such a difficult choice to make, trying everything to hang on as opposed to a gentle letting go. Everything I’ve heard about palliative care and hospices has been very positive and it’s good that swift action is being taken.
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