One of the ways my paralysis expresses itself is to indicate pain where I can’t feel by sweating. So as I am typing this my crutch and right thigh and kidney areas are tacky with sweat pushing though my clothes and I know I have to go to bed and try and change position as my body isn’t right. However the cause of the problem is unclear to me and could be physical or stress related as I have come to know that when I am under extreme stress I mentally cope but burst out into cold sweats very quickly (as well as get ratty).
In the past two weeks I have burst into tears, lost control and shouted at dad and acquired boils, skin lesions and rashes. I talked to dad about this and have arranged to meet a home help service tomorrow. I’m not sure that he wants this and so he has said that today he is going to get his blood checked under his own steam (rather that get Karen to drive him to and from the local hospital). I’ve explained that if when the taxi comes dad feels that he can’t do it for any reason, then that’s okay. In fact that is just the sort of thing the home help service can help with by accompanying dad to such things.
One of the little changes I am going to do is to take my chess set around to dads and leave it there. The set was a birthday present from my parents when I was 8 years old in 1966 and dad taught me to play. It was a fantastic set for its time, Instead of my getting the standard Staunton set, I saw this set with Norman pawns, knights on horseback and it just blew me away.
We don’t seem to spend any time just being with each other since mum died: I am either listening to him crying about what he can’t do and how much he misses mum, or getting into arguments when I suggest remedies (they have all been turned down until now) or doing practical things like sorting out the central heating, doing his shopping or liaising with Karen about taking him here and there.
So my plan is to 1) get the home care established tomorrow so dad can a) have the confidence to go out with people and b) have regular visits for chats and support; 2) take the chess set around and play chess with him so we spend some time doing something positive together. Hence today’s photo is of my Waddington’s New Chess set as it both reminds me of times past and should help in future by giving us a pastime.