Pressure, just too much pressure

So I visited dad in hospital yesterday and he seemed well. He doesn’t yet realise it but the aim is for him to become mobile and be discharged by Feb 11th next week. This will be a tall order. Steve, (my brother) dad and I talked about getting rid of the dinning room furniture and putting a bed downstairs as there is room, plus all facilities for washing and living and so dad could live downstairs.

I am feeling physically inadequate now as I can’t even get into dad’s house without a ramp being put out and if he isn’t able to do this will need to organise my visits around others putting the ramp out. Over the years I have taught myself not to worry about things I can’t control but it is at times like this when I feel it (even though its other peoples choices how accessible they make their homes to me.)

I am being careful about how my behaviour is changing while dad is ill as when mum died I became physically ill through not realising that all the rushing around and driving dehydrated me and that caused problems  – quite serious problems – shortly after she died. So now I am consciously taking on my drink and limiting what I try and do.

Dad has a personal alarm and that worked well as he used that to alert us to the fall. He also has care workers visit, so we can adjust this for when he returns home so that someone can help him get up in the morning.

I know dad’s on a slow decline and so does he. I feel like I am watching him disappear in front of me and it hurts deeply.

We are still without heating and the two quotes we have received from plumbers differ considerably about the work that is needed and the cost. How am I supposed to know who is correct? So after many phone calls and one rather large row we have selected one and I am at present just trying to pin them down to a date and time for the work to be carried out.

Still at least I’ve not bled for a while … maybe I shouldn’t say that as its tempting the fates…

I know life if full of trials but sometimes I would just like a week off.